Now the Boston dust is settling, I've had a chance to think beyond the buzz of the day and drill down into the race itself. How it felt, how it went and - objectively - what learnings can be taken from it. Every race is an opportunity to learn, regardless of the outcome, and there is a lot to be learnt from the marathon distance. It offers some of the sweetest rewards but also some of the toughest lessons, and while my experiences with it fortunately don't fall into the 'extremely tough lesson' category (of DNFs, injuries or medical emergencies), they have all provided food for thought and Boston was no exception.
To really learn from the race, you also need to consider the training and your goals going into it. I was open from the start with this one - it was about the experience and the adventure, and my training was therefore adjusted to take this into consideration, particularly when it came to the taper (NYC burgers, I'm looking at you!) But from the very start of the training block I wanted to get the balance right between training hard enough to complete the run and do it justice, and not investing so much into it that I'd feel short-changed if I didn't cash it in on the day. So I built a 20-mile race into the plan to keep me motivated and give me something tangible to aim for, and then left the rest down to maintenance - hoping and expecting this to see me through the actual marathon. Which it did, but perhaps not in the way that I expected it to...
Once you've covered the marathon distance several times, there is the dangerous possibility that complacency can start to sneak in...
Once you've covered the marathon distance several times, there is the dangerous possibility that complacency can start to sneak in. The distance isn't scary - you know you can do it and the prospect of it becomes exciting rather than daunting. I think you almost take for granted that you will finish, and it becomes more about the details of race times and pacing. I will hold my hands up and say that I think I fell into this category this time, and I'm sure I wasn't alone. My two most recent marathons had gone 100% to plan, I had enjoyed racing 20 miles a few weeks earlier and I wasn't frightened by the remaining six miles as I knew I had the ability to dig in for them. However, what I hadn't prepared myself for AT ALL was the prospect of finding it tough from almost the very beginning. So to find myself suddenly staring down the barrel of what I knew was going to be a very challenging 22 miles was a shock. And shocks are not easy to handle on a marathon course. It is surprisingly lonely running by yourself in a sea of 30,000 others. There's no-one to turn to and no-one to get advice from - you are out there alone with a long way to go and only two options: pull out or do some on-the-move problem-solving and work out how you are going to get yourself through to the finish line.
This is where all those difficult training runs come into their own. I've said before that the hard ones count for the most, and this is why. Maybe it all goes well and you never need to call on them, but if things aren't going as you expected then they become so incredibly valuable. You can think back to the times where you've had to dig deep in training to overcome those mental hurdles and you know that you can do it again. The self-talk isn't new to you - you've done it before and you know how to negotiate with yourself and talk yourself through. Instead of being overwhelmed by the distance remaining, you can break it down into more reasonable chunks and focus on the mile you're in. The brain and body also have an amazing ability to simplify what is happening and enable you to make decisions. What exactly is the issue? Hydration? Water. Electrolytes. Stomach? Toilet. Heart rate? Slow down. All of the above? All of the above. It's absolutely vital to let go of the race you imagined and run the race you are in.
Let go of the race you imagined and run the race you are in.
In this case, the run I imagined was a difficult course at a comfortable and enjoyable pace. The race I found myself in was a more-difficult-than-expected course on a much-hotter-than-expected day where no pace felt comfortable. But what can you do? It might sound dramatic to say that it becomes about survival, but actually it does. 26.2 miles is a long way and I have seen enough people exiting a marathon course in a wheelchair to know that looking after yourself is the number one priority, above anything else that might have felt important when you lined up on the start line. For me, it became an exercise in hydration-management, very careful pacing and an absolute focus on getting to the finish line.
I had no time goals going in and genuinely felt the same about this coming out. I was delighted to finish, so grateful for the opportunity to run it and really couldn't have cared less about what the time on the clock said. What I did and do care more about was the effort required to simply finish the run, and this is where the learnings are for me. Disappointed definitely isn't the right word, but maybe reflective is a better description? While the clock might not have mattered to me this time, there will be races in the future where it really does matter and I really don't want to be feeling the way I felt from as early as mile four. But the reality is that I might, and while confidence and optimism is a useful start-line mindset, preparing for the unexpected is just as important. I didn't do that this time and I could very easily have come unstuck because of it. Next time I will think through more of the 'what ifs', but I'll do so with the bonus of knowing that I've now got a new weapon in my armoury: the ability to push through mentally from very early on, which I honestly did not know I had. In fact, if you'd told me in advance how that run would play out, I would have said that I couldn't do it. I can run the distance, I can dig in for the latter stages, but to spend almost the entire run on the struggle bus? Nope. To find out that I actually can do it is, weirdly, a massive confidence-boost and I know that one day it I'll be able to call on it.
So when races don't go as you expect them to then yes, it is easy to feel disappointed - of course it is, even when your goals weren't time-related. And if they were and you fell short of your hopes and expectations, it can feel devastating. I spoke to someone a few weeks ago who had a bad marathon and didn't run for 6 months afterwards, and I imagine this scenario is much more common than we realise. But if you can step back, re-frame it and take all the lessons from the experience then you have a real opportunity to set new goals and go forward with new knowledge that you might not otherwise have had. We all know that the marathon distance needs to be respected, but sometimes we also need to come face-to-face with why. In hindsight, I think probably needed a reminder of the 'other side' of running 26.2 miles and I definitely got it.
What would I do differently next time? From a training and physical preparation point of view, nothing. Because the reality is that the only way to change the run I had would be to train in warm weather and sacrifice the wider experience (NYC burgers, I'm still looking at you!) And even then it might still have been hard - sometimes it just is! I was happy with my training and I was happy with my fitness level going into the race. But mentally I would change my expectations. Instead of 'expecting' to run comfortably and enjoy it, I would prepare for the worst and hope for the best. It's a simple change but an important one.
My goal was to enjoy it and, from a running point of view, I didn't really. But from an experience point of view it was still absolutely incredible and up there as one of the best days of my life. To lock that away in a box as a 'disappointment' would be doing the race and myself a massive disservice. Races, particularly long ones, are hard and exhausting, and the finish line isn't always the best time to be 'finding the positives' if that's not how you are feeling. But give it time, reflect on what you've learnt and achieved and there are almost always positives to be found.
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